In the Spring of 2018 I had the chance to speak with a neighbor of mine named Maria. During our conversation she spoke of her family and how they “meant to pray the Rosary together” every day for the last 11 years. She went on to explain that her children were now all grown up and the Rosaries they had purchased to pray together in 2013 were currently stored in a drawer somewhere in her home – tangled up in phone chargers and long expired coupons.
This is quite a familiar phenomenon isn’t it? Perhaps you have found yourself attempting to start praying the Rosary as a family only to be disappointed when, for whatever reason, it fails to materialize as planned.
Here’s what I’ve learned: Families who pray together don’t have perfect systems of prayer. They have small systems of prayer that are somewhat imperfect, and then they go to great lengths to protect and preserve that imperfect system of prayer.
The myth of the “right moment”
I’ve found that every family that is able to practice praying the rosary consistently started with the intention of practicing it. But then they went looking for the “perfect” time to start, such as after this season of soccer, after the baby sleeps through the night, after they get through this busy period at work. The reality is, though, that families are not typically quiet or still. They are typically noisy and busy, with kids that need to be fed, with school supplies that need to be bought, with attention that needs to be given. I’ve found that families are typically looking for a bad time to start practicing praying the rosary. In other words, a time that already happens consistently. After dinner is chaotic? Pray then.
There are two more observations that I have found to be true. The first is that the calculus for praying as a family changes dramatically when one stops waiting for the “right moment.” Instead of waiting until after soccer practice, for example, or until after dinner, one prays when things are at their worst, such as right after dinner. The kids will calm down more quickly than one expects when they are faced with a stream of prayer.
Consistency beats conditions. Every single time.
Anchoring prayer to something that already happens
The Rosary is a lot like a vine. It can lie flat on the ground in the open air, just a mess of tangled up beads, but that doesn’t do much good. But when you give a vine something to climb on–like a fence post, for example–it can start to really climb.
2.) Pray the Rosary attached to a habit that already exists in your family’s life. Pray the Rosary as part of your after dinner clean-up. Pray the Rosary while getting ready for bed. Pray the Rosary while driving to soccer practice. Pray the Rosary after breakfast. Pray the Rosary as you are having your morning coffee. By praying the Rosary as part of an existing habit, you will find that the Rosary will soon grow into that space and become stronger than you can imagine.
Some anchors that actually work for families:
- Right after the dinner table is cleared, before anyone escapes to screens
- In the car during the morning school run (a decade is only a few minutes)
- As part of a bedtime wind-down, after pajamas and teeth brushing
- Sunday mornings, before or after Mass, as a standing weekly habit before daily becomes realistic
Start smaller than feels meaningful
For many families it will work to start with two minutes after dinner while they are loading the dishwasher, on the way to the kids’ beds, while they are putting the kids to bed, or as the kids are going to sleep. Once you have the couple of minutes of prayer as part of your daily routine it is then easy to extend it.
I do not recommend that most families begin by reciting the entire Rosary (15 decades of Our Fathers and Hail Marys) daily. Instead, I suggest they incorporate one decade (5 Hail Marys and one Our Father) into their daily routine. Even better is to progress from there: two decades (10 Hail Marys and two Our Fathers), three decades (15 Hail Marys and three Our Fathers), etc. So long as a family adds more decades from time to time, even a slow- progressing family will reach the full 15-decade Rosary in time.
A rough progression of the Rosary that is easier for families than going to the full 15 decades right off the bat is:
- Week one through two: one decade, same time daily, no exceptions
- Week three through four: add a second decade if the first feels settled
- Month two: attempt a full five-decade Rosary a few times per week
- Month three onward: daily five decades becomes the normal target
Make it physical, not just mental
The physical object of the Rosary makes a huge difference. It makes the prayer real. A well made daily Rosary is something that can be used by every family member. I carry mine with me.
This is why we keep our Rosaries out. Whether it is on a hook on the wall, on a nightstand or draped over the corner of a mirror, the mere presence of our Rosary prayers happen more when our Rosary are visible. This is why we keep our daily Rosary here at home. When our daily Rosary are hidden away in a drawer, with other items such as extra phone chargers, the same thing happens to our daily Rosary prayers.
What to do when it falls apart
It will fall apart. All families are on the move, many of them in turmoil, and so too will your prayer. This is a good thing. It’s a sign that you are really living and that you can pick back up where you left off. And don’t make a big deal out of it. One day is fine to miss. Five days in a row, however, is like having to start all over again. This can be very discouraging.
| Situation | What it feels like | What to actually do |
| Missed one day | Minor slip, no big deal | Resume tomorrow, same time |
| Missed a whole week | The habit feels broken | Restart with just one decade, no guilt |
| Kids are resistant | Like herding cats in slow motion | Shorten it, involve them in leading a decade |
| Life season is genuinely chaotic | Everything is on fire | Drop to once a week until things stabilize |
The families who continue to practice the daily rosary for a decade or more are not perfect. They have struggles, and times when the practice falls apart. But, the difference between these families and others is that when they miss a day or five, it doesn’t feel like they have to start all over again. Because, they are so used to practicing the daily rosary that they pick up their beads the very next day, without fail, without drama, and without even discussing why they failed.
Pick up the beads.
